The Divorce Diet

Losing The Dead Weight

In my time of darkness, I’m looking fab.

Living on a diet of coffee, wine, ciggies, brie cheese, quince paste on those little undersized french toasty things was something I never planned to alter.

I’ve never been one to exercise but I have a deep dislike for my husband and because of this, I go on endless walks.

Strolling down the windy dirt road is how it all started.  I would go hide behind a eucalyptus tree at the back of the property away from him. For some reason one day I decided to get off my lazy ass and climb it.

I fell out after a few minutes resulting in a twisted ankle but while there above I saw the vastness of nothing and from this, I calculated that I could possibly get lost.

I knew he wouldn’t report me missing so I might be lost for days and possibly starve or have massive ciggie withdrawals causing death by chewing sticks to ease the pain and sucking on a poisonous one.  Oh, I prayed for it to all happen.


Anywho.  As I ventured into the nothingness I took up running small sprints to get to the nowhere sooner and from these short sprints, I became a runner.

I tried to run just the one way but would always return like a homing pigeon without a mission.

All this running meant my body screamed out for me to give up the tobacco sticks and swap them for carrot sticks with homemade hummus.

Who the fuck am I?  I eat fruit salad for lunch now and am on the auto wake for 6 am ready to run.

He doesn’t care I’m up so early as he sleeps in the spare room.   After my run, I go to work and then when I get home I go for another run.

Not because I really want to but I’d rather than be out in the nothing than with him.    I run away from him, from our problems and always run a bit further each time with the hope of getting lost.

From all this running, I have found that the solitude it brings has brought about a bit of an inner peace.  I say a bit because inside I’m still tormented inside, but for a few seconds when I stop to turn around and stare at the sky above, the horizon that surrounds me, I can hear myself breathe and forget it all for.

Now with all this running and fruit and stuff I have become toned, sculpted and a healthy weight.  Possibly slightly under what I should be but I have muscles also because of my tree climbing along with the lifting throwing of rocks towards the sky trying to hit God for dealing me this fucked up hand.

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So I am looking my best for no one.  He still gives me no attention so it was never about looking good for him.  I feel a slight self indulgent that I have this time for me to feel and look this way and anyone who saw me may say I’m vain being so perfected.

But I hide under an apron at the coffee shop and no one knows.  No one can see because in society I am a nothing that goes unnoticed.

I have heard others in the cafe talking about the breakup diet, the divorce diet.

A divorce diet can happen because you

  • Can’t possibly eat because of the stress of it all
  • Can’t eat because of the guilt in having an affair with his best friend
  • Do eat but with the stress is causing your body to constantly tremble with nerves and this is shaking off any weight you gain.
  • Can eat but you can’t keep anything down because of the stress of it all
  • Spend extra hours at work in order to avoid the other half
  • Walk a zillion extra kilometres on the fit bit as you follow him in a baseball cap and glasses to see if he is having an affair
  • Are not cooking for him anymore because you hate him which means you don’t have to serve up mashed potatoes or lasagna and all those carbs he loved in his diet you are now free from
  • Have absolute loss of appetite and life
  • Are stashing the grocery money for the planned break up therefore there is no food in the house to tempt you
  • You’re living on pure adrenalin at the thought of leaving an unhappy situation

Have you been on a divorce diet, done break up burpees?

Scroll scroll down to let me know.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Wow! This is the first post I’ve seen regarding what you call a “divorce diet”. Never knew it was a thing—just knew it was my thing. Thanks for sharing. I was worried, that along with my anxiety disorder and depression, I was also developing an eating disorder. But after 7 years of hell with an emotionally abusive ex-fiancé… exercising and eating right was finally an option. Been on a no carb, no sugar, no red meat plan since early January and I’ve never felt better.

    Liked by 1 person

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